Trusting that God has a plan in the midst of pain takes courage on our part. For me, having to say “see you later” to mama as we had her Celebration of Life ceremony was, in fact, the hardest thing I have ever done (Psalm 34).

When Control Meets Grief

You see, I am sort of a control freak at times. If I am in a situation where I don’t have control, I feel anxious, and so far from relaxed, my bones get sore. I have been taking Zoloft for intense anxiousness since my son, Christopher, was born (that’s a whole miracle within itself; we will get into that later on!) – Philippians 4:6-7

My testimony here is penetrating in that it literally allowed me to, in the matter of minutes, go from being a completely lost soul to becoming more whole than I had ever been before. Truthfully, friends, I had felt emotional pain prior to my experience with mama, but I had never experienced pain that would force me to be so sick that I couldn’t keep food down. I’m sorry for the undisguised description, but it is what it is.

The Breakdown

David, the kids, and I had been over at mom and dad’s house about a week after mama made her final journey. As we left their house, I felt a lump in my throat, realizing the daily breakdown was coming…. SOON! I held in my tears and stared out the window, thinking, I have got to get to the bathroom as soon as we pull into the driveway to have this breakdown. I am going to cry out to God louder than I ever have before. (Psalm 34-17)

And that’s exactly what I did. I begged God for it to all be a dream; I whaled; I screamed; I told God I had never felt so distant from Him as I did now. As I literally wore myself out, I hit the floor and laid there. In the quiet stillness of that moment, I physically felt the arms of Jesus wrap around my body.

Divine Encounter

I heard within my spirit, loud and clear,
“Jenny, I’m here, I understand your pain, and together, we WILL get through this.”
And friends, this next statement was so profound, it changed me forever. God said,
“But, Jenny, this isn’t about YOU. I brought your mama to Heaven because I need her here more than I need her there!”

He said,
“My child, please know, that through this pain and suffering you will be stronger than you ever have been before. You will be a force to be reckoned with, as I place your mama’s spirit within you to be with you ALWAYS!”

A New Peace – Praise and Worship after the Storm

I literally felt myself lift off the floor, and I praised Jesus for the next hour, in the bathroom, singing praises to the King of Kings, by song, and pure submission to His will, now understanding that the control I always desired to have had now been given back to Him. (1 Thessalonians 5;18)

The release of this unhealthy trait (control) allowed me to move forward after that day with a completely renewed spirit, thought process and the calmness to not only survive, but to be successful in living out my God-given purpose daily.

Living by the Word

I am here to tell you, when you read it, when you put it to the test, God’s word is what He says it is—it is the Way, the Truth and the Living nourishment for our souls that as Christians we cannot live without. My faith is what enabled me to feel the arms of Jesus, it is what allowed my ears to hear His voice and believe beyond the shadow of a doubt His words are real.

I was now at peace. I was happy to know mama is an angel in Heaven and of Heaven, being used for the Creator of all things to assist Him in whatever He needs her for. (Proverbs 3; 5-6)

Heaven’s Comforters

Not long after mama left this earth, the attack on Israel by Hamas happened. It was horrific, demonic, a happening only Satan could have executed. As I heard the news of what those monsters did to beautiful babies and children of God, I envisioned mama, there, in Heaven, receiving those babies and children into her arms, loving on, and comforting each bless-ed soul to arrive. (Hebrews 1;14)

Read and Believe

My faith and belief give me the ability to see things others cannot see, my friends. When you can, read God’s word in the book of John, chapter 16. Allow those written words of truth to permeate within your whole being and pray for discernment, pray for an understanding of the meaning of Jesus’ words to believers (as I pray you are).

This was a deep message, Loved one! Thank you for your commitment to reading and being encouraged. Always remember, you are here because God has ordained you to do so. Not for any other reason.

BELIEVE!

---

Photo With Purpose

Lastly, the photo I used for this post is of a broken, worn-down woman. This was taken the very night I just wrote about. My Father must have driven me to photograph one of the darkest moments in my life—not in vain, but as a depiction of pain beyond human understanding. He knew the reason; I didn’t but He did.

Beauty from Ashes, pain into purpose, it’s ALL part of His plan for me.

Enjoy the additional encouragement in song. Click the link to hear the song pertaining to this week’s message of hope: Held by Natalie Grant